The Hills Rewind, Vol. 4, Plus Gossip Girl Postscript

Back-to-back Hills reporting may be a clear sign I need to get a life. Actually, any almost-thirty-something reporting on The Hills is probably in need of something better to do.  

Oh, who am I kidding? What else is there?

This week, I leave you with a philosophical query:  if LC clapped in the woods, would it be filmed for this season?

Point being, is Lauren even on this show anymore?  Is anything happening in her life?

  

Gossip Girl p.s.: There's been a long absence of Connecticut

in the minds of the teen set ever since Gilmore Girls ended that has now been filled by the wannabe Elis of Gossip Girl.  

Yes, my friends, Connecticut can be glamorous, but I share Nate's quandary.  Yale or USC?  No question. Fight on.

The Hills Rewind, Vol. 3

So I continue to be one week behind in my Hills commentary.  Please forgive me.  

Well, nothing much happened anyways, so it shouldn't be difficult to forgive my delay.  Heidi wrote a note to - blah, blah, blah...  I can't even bear to write about it.

My comments this week are thus brief and focused on the front-runner in the "Most Vapid Character on T.V." contest: Audrina.

Watching her do anything makes me cringe in fear that I once may have been so mindless.  It's painful!  Behind her annoyingly empty eyes is a vast expanse of nothingness.

I can only hope that young women can find more suitable role models elsewhere...    

Today I found some comforting news for Elsa.  Although in general she does not lack self-esteem, even the most centered, confident among us can get down.  Even cats.  Especially cats with unique features, like Elsa's extra toes.

So it was refreshing to see a model/actress plastered on my Yahoo front page talking about her extra fingers.

  

Seems the new Bond girl is a fellow polydactyl.  

And that makes Elsa and her 36 little toes happy.  Check out Wikipedia for more info on polydactyl cats.  Elsa apparently is a rare little polydactyl kitty because not only does she have opposable "thumbs" on her front paws, she also has extra toes on her back paws.

And can you believe nobody wanted to give her a home...   

The Hills Rewind Vol. 2

I'm a little behind in my Hills recapping due to a general disdain for work that is ruining my life.  But today I took matters into my own hands and called out sick.  So I caught up on my t.v. shows, Hills included, and present my thoughts.

Never date a man who is rude to your mother.  Especially one who is flagrantly condescending on national television.  I hope Heidi watches the playback and gains some insight.  I cannot believe that any daughter with an ounce of respect for her mother could continue to date (in fact live with) a guy after watching her mother breakdown in tears over it.  Judging by the obnoxious plethora of canned photo-ops with "Speidi," I can only surmise that Heidi is an awful wretch of a person and she and Spencer were made for each other.

And I don't know who is the hotter mess - Stephanie or Doug.  I do know that whatever Whitney was wearing on her feet at Doug's party was rockin'.  

Finally, who could have guessed that Brody Jenner would be the moral compass of the show?  

That's the rewind.

The Un-Official Motto

The Thirty Year War takes place in the Northeast.  And not Long Island or Boston or anywhere where people speak with distinctive dialects.  So we love to hear other accents, especially Southern accents.  Especially because Southern people tend to be quite nice - and really, anything said in a Southern accent just comes out nicer - and people in my state tend to have a reputation for being cold.

So yesterday I was on the phone with a paralegal at a law office in Connecticut.  I had never met her, but we had spoken a few times and she is quite obviously a Southern transplant.  It was a nice diversion to speak with her because she was just so nice.  On a daily basis, I deal with crotchety old people, so a pleasant Southern woman is a good change of pace.  We were chatting about this and that and she was lamenting on her day and about people giving her a hard time and she said, in the most wonderful Southern drawl, 

"Everyone's tryin' to lick to red off my candy - and I just won't let them!"

Ha!  I'm assuming that's a Southern expression, because I've never heard it.  And if I had heard it, I would be using it at every possible occasion.  I love it!  It is now the un-official motto of the Thirty Year War.